All The Feelings, All The Emotions, All The Pain

Okay. Sigh. I should’ve told some of my friends about this but I’m kinda afraid of their reactions. I somehow feel that those emotions and feelings are somewhat none sense and absurd. So, I’ve decided not to tell it to my friends who are so close to me. Especially Eunice. Why? I don’t like her to stop on listening to my pointless drama. So, I minimize those dramas but I can’t. I really can’t.

I have a confession to make. I am crying every night. Yes. That’s true. I am crying every night. What’s the reason? Oh well, pointless and none sense but it really breaks my heart – the failed relationship, the courtship-stop-thing and especially the trauma that has left on me after those whatever-you-wanna-call-it-thing.

OKAY. You think I’m insane? I thought so. Last night, I cried. I was watching the television. “Nang dahil sa pag-ibig” is on air. There was a situation wherein Agnes, the ex-girl friend of Oliver was confined in a hospital because of severe depression because Oli and her broke up. I don’t know why I cried. I don’t have any relation with their story but perhaps, because of the pain Agnes is feeling, I was touched and I cried. I am such a lachrymose woman. Ugh!

After Nang Dahil sa Pag-ibig, I watched PBB Teen Edition 4. Of course, I cried again. Because of the MYRVES situation. Yves ruined Myrtle’s trust on him because he’s courting Myrtle and yet, he has a girl friend on the outside world. Relate? Maybe again in the pain but not in the situation. Actually, I have forgiven those who have hurt me but the pain and the memory were not yet vanished. Every time I watch sad movies or even read sad stories, I cried because all of the pain kept on devastating my effin heart. I FORGIVE but I NEVER FORGET. Just because I never forget, doesn’t mean I never forgive.

I just wanna vent all the pain. I wanna vent all the emotions, all of the feelings. All of the hurt I’m feeling right now. I’m so destroyed. I am so ruined. I wanna cry but it’s too early to cry. Hmm..