Talking About His Ex & All The Ladies Involved.

“Past is past. You can look back but you can’t go back.” I know it’s a bit I-Know-Right for you, guys. Yeah. PAST. We shouldn’t make it a big deal but I’m sorry to say but it is a big deal especially when there is still something or somewhat connections between the two of them. Well, I know I can’t do anything about that because they are schoolmates and because of the fact that they are schoolmates, there are a huge possibility of them seeing each other on a corridor, hallways, canteen, rooms, library etc. Yeah. But one thing I’m trying to point out is that THEY ARE OVER. And I guess I’m over too. Overacting. Lol. Anyways, as I’ve said, they are over and so, there should have no more communications as if nothing happened. As if they weren’t ex’s. Well, I trust my boy friend. Yes, I do. Maybe all of you doubt it. But I do. I just don’t trust the girl. I don’t know her. All I know is her name and what my bf told me and of course, what my friends who know her told me. That’s the reason why I don’t trust the girl. I’ve heard stories about her flirting with someone. *Inhale exhale* It’s too dramatic. Well, I’m not a stupid, idiotic person who’ll get jealous just because I want to. Of course, I have reasons. Like example, Would you think I’ll be jealous if there’s nothing to be jealous about? What do you think of me? Doing something which can be a cause of a conflict? Of course not! Well, maybe. MAYBE, there’s something wrong with me too. I’m an over-super-ok-no-such-word-jealous girlfriend. I’m jealous with every girl he’ll encounter with. But! As I’ve said, if there’s nothing to be jealous about, why would I? It’s just that I hate the fact that he’s one of the most gentleman person I’ve met. He’s kind to everyone especially to girls. For me, as I’ve observed, he has more girl friends than guy friends. I don’t know. -_-” I think I know nothing. Ugh. What a GF. Anyways, I don’t wanna make this long anymore. I just wanna burst out all the emotions I have. So, chiao!

Mixed Emotions.

 

This is all about what happened yesterday and also last night. All the feelings, emotions, pain and everything. *sighs* I don’t know what to write actually. I don’t know what to feel and if I still feel anything. I feel so numb. I wanna cry but there’s no tears flowing. But, before we ended the last call, that was the time when I burst all the tears out.

It was a cloudy day – Marinella’s birthday. I planned to go to Tomas del Rosario College where Marinella (a friend of mine) and Dj are studying. I planned to go there because I wanted to give the gift to Marinella personally. I went there at past 2 in the afternoon.

I was a bit annoyed because when Dj and I were texting, he was asking me, “Pupunta ka nga?” repeatedly. I was annoyed because it feels like he didn’t want me to come. When I arrived at TRC, I saw his classmates and asked where Dj was. “Classmate mo si Dennis, ‘di ba?” I asked Nadine. “Nasaan siya?” “Samahan na po namin kayo.” She suggested. I followed them and saw Dj. “Text mo na lang si Marinella.” He said with a dun-ka-na-dun-ka-na tone. I was like ‘Ah, okay.’

We saw Micko and his classmate and Dj asked them to go with me at the canteen because Marinella was there. We went to the canteen. After few minutes, he appeared there. Maybe his picture taking was done. He sat and after few more minutes, I told him that I was going home. He was walking faster and faster without looking at me. Hello?! I’m wearing a high-heels sandals and he was walking fast like I’m not there. -_- Ugh.

When I was in the jeep, he text me, “Ingat ka ha. I love you. :*” Then I replied, “Ge. I love you.” Then he asked me what’s wrong so I explained everything but he misunderstood it. -_- What a.. Haaaay. Then he said that maybe we really should go on with the plan of having some space or time for each other. Aish. I was so so annoyed and irritated. Just because of that?! He would just give up everything?! Just because I became angry?! Just because of that?! OMG. >.<

Yesterday, we text each other and I was making fun of what’s happening. Dinadaan ko sa joke lahat. So that I couldn’t feel any pain. But before we ended the last call, that was when I cried. He said, “Mahal na mahal kita.” and I replied, “Mahal na mahal din kita.” Then I slept with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart.

 

17th Birthday.

130 days. 23 hours. 33 minutes. 50 seconds. before my 17th birthday.

I’m afraid to be old. Of course, as we age, our body will change, our face will change, our life’s perspectives will change and everything. There are things that will be gone and there are things that will come to you. I don’t want my body to change. I don’t wanna be fat nor thin. I don’t want my face to change. It’s not that I am contented with what I look now but I want it to be changed in the positive way. Like for example, I have pimples. I want it to be lessen. But I don’t want my face to have wrinkles and whatever that will show the world that I’m aging. Our life’s perspectives will change. Well, it’s nice if our life’s perspectives will change because when we’re growing up, we will be understanding and open-minded, right? ‘Cause after all the obstacles that we’ve faced, the lessons we got from that obstacle can be used or applied in our daily life. And of course, as we age, time will come that we will face our farewell to the world. And that’s why I am afraid to be old.

Anyway, I had a long intro. But, this coming December 24, 2012, I’ll be celebrating my 17th birthday and after a year, I’ll be called ‘Lady’ because I’ll be celebrating my 18th birthday next year. Well, my 16th birthday wasn’t good and it was very typical. I want my 17th birthday to be one of the most special birthdays I’ve ever had. I’m preparing of it actually. I’m trying to be thrift because I wanna save money for it. I don’t want my mom to use her money on my birthday. Since I have a lot of friends now, I should celebrate it and I want to invite all of them. Yaaaay!

What is my plan for my birthday?

Well, I wanna celebrate it for I think, 4 days? ‘Cause I’m not good in time management so if I’ll invite all of my friends for one day celebration, maybe, I’ll be on one table and the other table will feel out of place. Right? So, I think, my classmates, my circle of friends, my theater family and my pals. The circle of friends are my HS friends. My original friends. My pals are those people who are my friends but not super friends. Get it? Hahaha.

For my classmates, I think I’ll just pick the closest to me. I think only 10 of them? I’ll just treat them or will go to KTV in Crown Royale.

For my theater family, I think it will be the same as my classmates. Maybe I’ll treat them or I’ll bring foods or they will come to my house.

For my pals, I think I’ll bring them to my house and will have a food trip.

For my circle of friends, I’m sure that they will come to my house and if I’m not mistaken, they want something to drink. (Not nestea nor coke) Alcoholic beverages. I just hope my mom & dad will allow us to drink. 🙂

What do I want to have on my birthday?

I have a lot of wants and needs! Hahaha! Well, I know it sounds so old-fashioned but I really wanna receive a bouquet of black roses or pink. I want a life size teddy bear. I wanna have a DSLR camera and I hope my piano will be fixed. I want something to be kept. I wanna receive a letter. I wanna have my own guitar. I want shirts, shorts, any fashionable clothes! I am appreciative so any present will do. Hehe.

—

I’m soooooo excited to celebrate my 17th birthday. I hope it will be so special. I even wanna cook for my birthday. Hihi. :’)

A note to God.

 Hello, God. I’m your sinful daughter. Do I deserve your love? I don’t know what to tell You when I see You. What will be my answer if You ask me “What did you do with the life I gave you?” I don’t need to lie because I know that You already know the answer but You’re just testing me if I will be as honest as You think I am. How can I tell You that I cheated on someone? How can I tell You that I disrespected my parents when they didn’t allow me to go to a party? How can I tell You I lied so many times to so many people? When I’m typing this, I feel like an idiot and a person who do not deserve a wonderful life. I wanna cry. God, I know I’m not perfect. I’m a sinful one. And because of that, I wanna show You how sorry I am. I’m very very sorry for the wrongdoings that I did. I’m sorry. If only I could turn back the time, I probably change those sins and be holy. But, I’m just a human. I human who can easily be fooled by temptations. I hope You’ll forgive me. I would like to say THANK YOU for everything. Even though I am not good, You don’t forget to give me blessings. Thank You for waking me up everyday. Thank You for giving me my parents and friends. Thank You for the love and care of others. Thank You for everything, God. I hope You’ll wash away all the problems and stress that I have right now. I will be good and please guide me. Please help me get rid of temptations. I am fragile, God. I hope I’ll be strong and have the guts to stand for any problems that will try to ruin me. God, even though I sometimes failed to pray at night, I hope You know how lucky I am to be your daughter and servant. I know You don’t doubt my love for You. I love you so much, God. I love You.

– Your daughter, Ina

Annyeong!

Yeoboseyo. Uh.. That means hello, actually. Well, uh.. I don’t know why pero parang gusto ko talagang mag-blog. Even though hindi ko alam kung ano ang ib-blog ko. I think it’s random. So, le me start? ☺

My day was not nice and not bad. Just fine. It was a boring day, actually. Wala akong katext, kausap at wala akong magawa. Aish. Nagising ako ng past 6am and nung nagising ako, sabi ni Mama, “May lakad ka?” “Kapag nagising ba ng maaga, may lakad agad?” I thought. Bumangon na ako at nainis lang ako kasi walang breakfast. Aish! I asked my mom at sabi niya, “‘Yun a.” (Pointing to what Tiya Lenlen’s cooking – Adobo) “Na naman?!” Medyo malakas yung pagkakasabi ko that’s why my mom was shocked. That’s normal.

Sabi ni Mama, magsisimba daw so I quickly prepared myself. Nag-dress ako at yung killer heels ko. Actually, may leg pain ako. But, ayoko naman gamitin yung sandals ko kaya tiis tiis din. Haha! Nagsimba kami and I felt so blessed and parang tinatamaan ako sa mga sinasabi ni Father. Grabe.

After ng mass, namili kami ni Mama at nag-breakfast na. Nagpahinga ako sandali at nagstart na maglaba. (Yes! I am industrious!) Uh. So, ayun. Hindi kami nagkakatext ni SF (Renz Cobilla) and ang madalas kong kausap ay si Bhebhe Myel. She was a super friend-classmate. Nung una, feeling ko hindi kami magkakasundo kasi she was like pahinhin and maarte sa loob. Somehow pakitang tao? Pero mali yung akala ko na ‘yun. That was a wrong impression. She’s so mabait and makwento siya. Swak kami. But, she’s my super friend and Eunice is my FBF still. No one could ever replace her. (I’m just thinking na baka mabasa ni Eunice ‘to and she’ll be jealous or what. Haha.)

Ayun. Then, nanuod lang ako. Nag-net, nanuod uli tapos eto na naman. Net na naman. It was a boring day talaga. Suuuper! That would be all for today. God bless, guys! Hwaiting! [Fighting]

You want me? I dare you.

If you want me, then show to me that you deserve me.

I had my heart broken so many times. I can’t even remember the times. I am almost a year single. My heart was devastated by a news from my friend about my boyfriend (that time) and she told me that my boyfriend got a girl pregnant. I don’t know what to do but to cry. It’s so painful. It’s heartbreaking. It seems like my world has fallen into pieces. But, life must go on. We should move on and continue living this life. From that very moment, I thought life is unfair. Life is heck. But, after almost a year, I realized that life is so beautiful. Just because you got your heart broken, doesn’t mean that you don’t have a chance to meet someone who’ll take care of your heart and will never try to ruin or hurt it.

Uhm. This past few months, I fell in love with my best friend. He’s REX. But, my girl best friend told me that Rex doesn’t have any interest on me. That also destroyed my heart. It’s like, He knows me so well. He knows my good attitude and even my bad characteristics. Uh. So after I got the message from Eunice, I cried. I had the conclusion that “If my best friend didn’t have the interest on me and he knows me from head to toe, then there’s certain possibility that others won’t like me too.”

But, again. Life must go on. Then, a guy who’s my former classmate in my freshmen year, broke up with his girl friend. After that, we’ve been texting each other and saying sweet words and I misunderstood it. I thought he likes me. Yes. He did. But it’s just ‘AS FRIENDS.’ He likes me as a friend, not a lover. I was hurt. I started to look at guys as a freak and ‘gags‘.

Last night, Allen texted me. He asked me if it’s okay if he’ll court me. Well, I answered yes but he should prove to me that he is serious and he will never ever hurt me. Hm. Also last night, I prayed. I prayed for a sign. I told my Savior, Jesus Christ, to give me a sign. If it’s Allen. I still think of Rex too. But, I asked for a sign that IF MY COURTSHIP WITH ALLEN WILL FAIL, THEN THAT MEANS I SHOULD PURSUE OR WAIT FOR REX. That’s all for my love life today! Fightiiiiiiing!

Hello!

Uh. I prefer to use English as my language here. I have to be more fluent and I have to practice my English proficiency because my prof can promote or accelerate a student whom he thinks deserve an acceleration. So, I’ve decided to blog using English as my language. (I’m sorry if I have wrong grammars here. I’m not yet fluent in English but, I’m trying to do my very best to be one.)

So, Hello! Uh. I don’t know what to blog but I really wanna share some stories. Uhm. At first, I don’t know if I can adjust myself with different people in college. Different lifestyle, different personalities. At first, I looked at my classmates as mean, ‘maarte’, spoiled and other bad characteristics. But, as days passed by, I have talked to them and realized that I made a wrong impression on them. They’re cool, they’re a little awesome and they’re easy to get along with. So, now, I’m beginning to love BSA 1-D! I’m happy and very fortunate to be a part of it. With classmates who are gregarious, who are generous with their talents and knowledge. I’m glad I had the opportunity to meet those people.

But, on the other hand, I’m still longing for my friends. I miss their jokes, their trips, their way of laughing and even their way of criticizing people. But that doesn’t mean that my friends are mean. It’s just that what they see on people, they speak out and tell us right away. I know that saying the truth even those things that you think is not good is not necessarily means you’re criticizing. It’s just when you started laughing at the flaws of that people, that is the time that you’re criticizing them.

So, that’s all? Ahaha. That’s my feelings now. See ya!

Blogging. :(

Annyeong Haseyo! ☺

Namiss kong mag-blog. As in superrrr! This past few days, naging busy ako sa school. Saka nahihirapan pa ako i-ayos yung sched ko kaya hindi talaga ako makapag-blog. Now, I miss the way I blog. Kahit na may diary na uli ako, iba pa din kapag dito ako nagkkwento. Kasi dito, complete details ang drama ko. OKAY. Mahaba ‘to a. TAPOS na. JOKE! =)) (Ako lang natawa.)

Lezz start. Well, kagabi, nakikinig ako ng “Ikaw At Ako” by TJ Monterde. I promised myself na yung susunod na boy friend ko, kakantahan ko ng kantang ‘yun. Sobrang sweet kasi. Eh magkatext kami ni RENZ COBILLA non. Tapos parang hindi ko magets kung ano ba talaga KAMI. Para kasing MU na parang hindi naman. EWAN. Hindi din mawala sa isip ko si REX BASANGAN. Ang best friend kong lalaki na ‘more than friends’ ang tingin ko.

GRABE! Iyak ako ng iyak kagabi e. GRABE talaga. As in. :3 Hm. Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko e. Kasi parang FLIRTATIONSHIP lang naman yung kay Renz. Kaya nga kagabi, nanghihingi ako ng sign kay Lord. Kung sino ba talaga yung gusto ko. I THINK it’s RENZ but I KNOW it’s REX.

SINO BA TALAGA?

Mixed Emotions

MIXED EMOTIONS. Bakit? Alam niyo naman na first day ng klase ngayon sa ibang schools and universities. At isa ako sa may pasok na. (Baka hindi masyado maging active sa tumblr :<)

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

May pasok na ba talaga? At teka, college na ba talaga ako? Grabe lang. Kagabi, sabi ko kay Mama, “Ma. Hatid mo naman ako bukas.” Natawa si Mama kasi para akong elem na nagpapahatid. “Haha. Osige.” “Joke lang.” sabi ko.

Nakakamiss maging bata. Hindi ko maisip na college na ako at hindi na high school na pa-easy easy lang. :3 Grabe talaga. REAL WORLD na daw ang college. Kasi ‘yun na yung bridge para maging successful ka.

Mixed Emotions kasi kinakabahan ako pero I’m soooo excited. As in. Pero nakakakaba. Nung nag-enroll kasi ako, matunog yung heels ko. Ang sama tumingin ng mga tao. Grabe. As in ulo hanggang paa sila tumingin. Nakaka-down. Haha. Pero okay lang. Gora lang. 🙂

Just wish me a good luck. (Posted on tumblr too)

A sweet but a wrong thing.

A sweet but a wrong thing. May ganun naman, ‘di ba? Yung feeling mo, ang sweet ng moment kaso MALI. Mali kasi nagaassume ka. Mali kasi nageexpect ka. Nakakainis, ‘di ba? Ang dami ding thoughts na pumapasok sa isip ko. “Bakit ba kasi hindi pwede?” “Bakit ba ganito pa din yung feelings ko kahit na alam ko na rejected na ako?” at ang pinakamatindi, “Bakit ba kasi mahal ko ang BESTFRIEND ko?”

This past few days kasi, umiiwas na sana ako. Nalaman ko kasi na hindi naman niya ako gusto. At nag-rewind lahat ng nangyari sakin. So, assuming lang pala ako dati. Na akala ko, gusto niya din ako. Na may pag-asa kami. Hindi ko naman gusto maging kami. Hindi ko lang alam kung bakit gusto na magustuhan niya din ako. :3

Nung Sunday, bigla siyang nagtext sakin,

“Inamaebeybetotz.”
“Haha. Owh?” Nag-reply ako kasi gusto ko maging comfortable na ako sa kanya as friends.

5pm, nag-simba kami sa St. Dominic Church dito sa Abucay. Kaming dalawa pa lang. Sabi niya, isama ko daw si Xynel pero na-late si Xynel kaya kaming dalawa pa lang ang magkasama. Ang dami naming napag-usapan habang wala si Xynel. A sweet but a wrong thing. Natutuwa kasi ako kapag nakakakita ng mag-boyfriend na nagsisimba. Tapos parang nung magkasama pa lang kami, parang ang sweet nung moment. Parang ang magical. Nagaassume na naman ako. Pero tuwing parang kinikilig ako, bumubulong ako ng “FRIENDS.”

After ng mass, sabi niya, “Aano tayo?” Sabi ko, nagugutom ako. Kaya nagyaya siya kumain. Kumain kami ng half long at spaghetti. Tapos sabi niya, ayaw niya pa daw umuwi. Pero umuwi na din. Nung pag-uwi niya, sad siya. Gusto niya daw ng kausap kaya kahit naka-plan ako, tinawagan ko siya. Umiiyak siya. Nakakapanibago lang. Buti nalang, maya maya, okay na din siya. Hindi namin namalayan na ang tagal na pala nung tawag. 32 minutes na. Kaya sabi ko, ibababa ko na. Binaba ko na yung tawag. Tapos nag-Goodnight na siya.

Monday. Nagpunta ako sa Balanga to do some woo-woo-thing. Hahaha. Nagtext siya sakin. “Nasaan ka?” “Sa Hair Clinic.” Sabi ko naman. Sabi niya, punta daw siyang Balanga, libre ko daw siya. Sabi ko, wala akong pera. Sabi niya, kahit burger lang. Pumayag na ako. 3pm palang nun. Sabi niya, saan niya daw ako pupuntahan. Sabi ko, pasama muna siya kay Jeje. Kasi baka matagal pa ako. Sabi ko, gala muna sila.

After ilang hours, natapos na din ako. Naghihintay pa din sila sa akin. Grabe. 6:30 na yata non o magse-7:00pm na. Pagdating ko sa Galeria, nag-sorry ako sakanila, okay lang daw. Kumain na kami tapos nag-ikot ikot. Naupo kami sa plaza. Hinihiram ko yung phone ni Jeje, makiki-dial lang pero ayaw. Tapos inabot ni R yung kaniya. A sweet but a wrong thing. Nung 8pm na, nag-yaya na ako umuwi. May batang lumapit sa akin as in ang lapit niya tapos nagulat ako kasi nilapit niya yung kamay niya. Yung mabilis na way. Yung parang mananaksak siya. Kinabahan ako. Nung paalis na kami, napakapit ako sa damit ni R. Ang bilis lang nung pangyayari. Tapos bumyahe na kami.

Pagdating namin sa plaza ng Abucay, nakita naming madaming tao. Sabi ko, “Ano kayang meron?” Sabi niya, tingnan muna daw namin. Eh mukhang wala naman kaya sabi niya, “Dun na ako sasakay.” Tapos biglang BOOOOOM! FIREWORKS! A sweet but a wrong thing. Pangarap ko dati yung manuod ng fireworks kasama yung special someone ko. Tapos hindi pa namin ineexpect na magfa-fireworks. Sakto pa. Ang sweet. Kinikilig ako. Kaso MALI.

Natapos yung unang fireworks tapos ang tagal nung pangalawa. Nung nag-fireworks uli, hindi ko na siya makita kaya umuwi na ako. Nagkatext kami hanggang sa matutulog na siya. Nag-message siya sakin bago matulog.

“Good night & God bless! Thank you sa spag kanina. I love you! :*”

“Good night din and God bless. You’re welcome. Love you too, chararat! :*” reply ko sa kanya.

That day was so sweet and magical. But that day is also a wrong thing day. ‘Cause again, I followed my heart. I did follow my mind too. I always tell myself na “Friends.” Kaso, wala e. Ganun talaga. It was a sweet but a wrong thing.